Hello guys and gals, Beka here. I have been going through toys, I have a big huge black plastic trash bag full of toys! Go me! Only one set back...I was getting tired and dumped trash toys and dog hair and dirt swept up into the darn bag and now I have to dump it out and sift through it and get all the good toys back out and throw away the bad ones and then fill the bag back up with good toys to be donated to Good Will or D.A.V. or we have a place called Y.W.C.A. Treasure Chest its for D.V. victims and their families (the profits help fund the shelters) Anyway...the bag has been sitting for 4 or 5 days now waiting for me to go through again...and suddenly I lost my motivation again...I still have loads of toys to sift through that we still have in the boy's room. Tonight we started going through the boy's room again, and got quite a few more toys added to the trash and the bag to be gone through again lol...It is so hard ya'll...There are so many toys my mom got my boys and its very hard to get rid of them, even if they are broken! WHY?! She just Died in 2009 This Jan will be 2 yrs...maybe that has something to do with it...I just don't know. Then there are the toys I got from my mom that were my child hood toys that I just can't part with...which is again stupid cause I had them for many years and for some odd reason my kids destroyed most of them in a matter of moments with them...guess that is the difference in 4 girls and 2 boys...I don't really know...lol...Anyway I am trying to get places with my hoarding and fast...we have a week to get ready for the birthday part for our oldest son. (next sunday is his party yikes) I am probably going to be trying to rearrange the garage to make room for the stuff in the house and move it all out there until the party is over lol...then go through them maybe a little at a time bringing things back into the house one box at a time or something so its not so overwhelming...Anyway...its a process and its so overwhelming of a process I kind of wish I was rich so I could afford a professional to come in and help me...though I have good days and I have bad days as far as energy goes, and my health goes...I have headaches some days, I have nausea others...sometimes I have both...and most of the time I am just totally exhausted and cant hardly do much of anything...just doing the necessary things are impossible for me at times....like go to the school and drop off our youngest at school, then later in the day pick up both boys from school...that takes the life out of me completely most days...I don't understand why I have energy some days and not others, but I am too young to feel this damn old is a definite conclusion I have came to realization of. Maybe its pregnancy, but its been this way for a long time long before pregnancy...to come think of it...I been like this since Teen years (yes Aunt Flow began)...but no one but me puts the two and two together...usually when I am pregnant I feel the most normal far as mental goes...the physical becomes a challenge with my unbalanced body forming...lol...but I am tip top shape in the head minus the pregnancy fog and memory problems and well OK its not tip top...but my depression is minimal...but this go round...it hasn't hit that point yet...its like I just skipped that part and went straight into postpartum depression...which is very odd...anyway back to the hoarding.
I got rid of a easter basket my mom got my son's (well there is two I just don't know where the other one is...the boys used it to carry their gerbils in so it had pee and poop inside it and it was just gross...but I dusted off the dog fur and dust bunnies (cause it was found under the bed) I took a picture of it and chucked it...wow...that was hard for me...but it had to be done!
I think my main thought problem is what if someone could use this instead of wasting it and throwing it in the landfill and wasting space there why not give it away...and its so hard to throw away good stuff that could be cleaned up but I have no desire to clean things up...but I don't want to donate them dirty like that thats just gross and how embarrassing and they would probably throw it away anyway...and if they found it and said oh this whole bag is full of stuff like this and just throw the whole thing out...that fills me with so much anxiety its stupid!!!!! I am the kind of person who thinks of all the possible outcomes and analyses everything cause everything has to have a reason for existing or being in my life or whatever...stupid I know I am just that crazy I guess..and its just so hard to get over my anxieties its insane....
So for me, hoarding was the easy part, now the getting rid of things to make room for US not hopefully new things to replace things (though I know my son's birthday is bringing toys, and then Christmas is around the bend too) UGH I will feel like my wheels are turning in the mud but hopefully it wont keep me from keep on going through stuff and get this hoard down sized to bare minimums and essencials and be able to enjoy our home and have people over and not be embarrassed...then when the baby gets here...not be so anxious about the baby coming home to this home! I mean its not that bad its not filthy clutter its just we have alot of stuff...and no place to put it now that we lost our basement and 1,000 square feet of our home (ya we downsized the home now to catch up with all our stuff thats the trick) Which we have downsized considerably but still have a bit a ways to go and its a slow process especially given my day to day health...Anyway I am getting tired...going to drink some warm milk and go to bed.
I will do my best in updating this blog as often as I can...I have it open up each day when I check email and stuff so I am reminded of it every day so it shouldn't be hard to remember to drop you guys a note saying hey this is an update whats going on with me now...and get it done and hopefully come and find comments to read to encourage me going through my hoard. I appreciate it and if you would like encouragement hit me up I am on facebook look on the right of the page its right there add me and say who you are so I know to add you to my blog friends so I can send messages to all of the friends involved with this blog...so that way we can keep in touch more often and I can even get apart of your lives and encourage you back...I know how hard it is...I really do...and I am hoping to encourage those out there to get through their hoards...and hopefully get through mine in the process of helping others....cause if I can do it...anyone can I am telling you!
Talk to you all later,
Happy Cleaning,
5-15 mins at a time www.flylady.net it works if you apply it :-)
Sincerely,
Rabeka Jo
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