my progress as of 04/17/2011

Well as most of you know my progress has been put on a stand still due to my losing our son who was stillborn March 18, 2011...it came as a shock and I still am having problems with admitting that it happened I guess...I really want to have a decluttered home but I am so not motivated now that I lost my motivation (a baby on the way) And with the possibility of trying again for another baby hanging up in the air until we know about my health which I have a 1cm lesion on my liver...which is causing me to be sick to my stomach, lack of appetite (feeling of being full all the time), Severe pain in my abdomen, and fatigue...they are the ones that are most effecting me right now...anyways...I am kind of beside myself as to wanting to get anything done in the house...
I am more wanting to get a memorial garden in place and NO ONE IS WILLING TO COME AND HELP ME and its very frustrating to me...the two shovels I had broke...and I dont know where my spades are so I can at least do some of it by hand...and I keep asking people to come over and bring their shovels but no one seems to see me anymore...its like everyone who came out of the woodwork and came forward in sympathy have suddenly worked their selves back into the woodwork and again I stand alone...I keep thinking maybe I am not grieving properly and thats why they just ignore me...because they don't think thats what I should be doing with myself at this point in time...of course thats probably just my borderline getting the best of me...but still I am alone...people asked me if there was anything that they could do for me...which is what is now obviously just something people say and don't mean it sincerely just like that question "how are you?" which is inquiring for a casual "fine" remark not a life story word vomit type response that I often give the inquirers...I have never been good with being reserved and keep things to myself...and if you didn't figure this out yet...now you know...

Anyways I just thought I would let you all know I am at a stand still with my progress...but I do have a box of donations to be delivered this week at some time that I decide to do so...its on my to do list...anyways
Talk to you later.
Sincerely,
Rabeka Jo